Always
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: James Diamond found his soulmate in high school when his next-door neighbor wrote him a note that changed his life. But years later he learns that maybe 'always' doesn't always mean forever. Slash AU. For the Valentine's Day Challenge from the Plot Adoption Forum.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello everyone! So, this is for the Valentine's Day challenge from the Plot Adoption Forum! I've had the vague idea for this story for a while now and thought this was the perfect time for it. :) **

**This is just the prologue, but I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

_Seven__ Years Ago_

"Find the derivative," Kendall prompted. "Hello? Earth to James? We _just _went over this, dude."

"Jesus, I don't know." I threw my pencil down on the kitchen table and ran both hands through my hair in frustration, but shockingly, this did nothing to dislodge any burst of insight that might have been lurking in my brain. "The probability of me figuring it out is _negative_. I'm hopeless with this shit, Ken. Dead weight. Leave me behind and save yourself." I stretched out my arm toward him, made a choking noise, and died dramatically atop my math book.

I was a smart person. I was. The SATs said so. But my mental block regarding all things calculus was made of reinforced steel, and I didn't have the ability to cut through it on the best of days.

This was sure as fuck not the best of my days.

Kendall rolled his eyes and flicked my forehead, his legendary patience apparently all used up thanks to my antics.

"Dumbass. For one thing, how many times do I have to tell you that probability _can't _be negative? And you do realize that if you put half as much time into figuring shit out as you do into thinking up ways to _avoid _figuring shit out, we'd be way further along now?"

"Not a dumbass," I muttered into my arm.

"But then _you _wouldn't be getting paid by Big Daddy Diamond, bro," my friend Ethan, Kendall's little brother, said from the sofa, his gaze fixed on the television where he was mowing down zombies in Call of Duty. "You should be thanking my boy James for being shitty at calculus so you can make an honest living while you're on summer break."

I pulled myself upright again. "Oh, yeah. Yup. I'm sure this is exactly the riveting, fulfilling summer job every Columbia graduate dreams of right before med school: Tutoring his math-inept next-door neighbor after school, so said neighbor won't flunk his final and have to go to summer school, which would embarrass the fuck out of his politician father." I snorted. "No need to thank me for this awesome opportunity, Ken."

"I like this job just fine, Jay," Kendall said mildly. "And you're not just a next-door neighbor, you're my friend. You know that." But then he looked at his brother and frowned. "Wait, back up the bus. Since when is he _your boy James_?" he demanded, sitting back in his chair and looking from Ethan to me and back again, something I couldn't quite place playing over his features. "Last I knew, James was friends with both of us _equally_, even if the two of you happen to be in the same grade. Something new develop that you guys wanna tell me about?"

"What?" My cheeks heated. "No."

I knew Kendall was gay-everyone knew-and I was pretty sure plenty of people suspected I was gay too, though I've only told a couple of people, including Ethan. That didn't mean I was ready to come out to anyone else, though. Not even sweet, patient Kendall...Mostly because sweet, patient Kendall was also my hot-as-hell next-door-neighbor-and-friend Kendall, and sitting next to him during tutoring was hard enough without him suspecting I had a thing for him too. If he noticed the way I sprang wood every time he leaned over my shoulder to explain partial derivatives, the shame would melt me into a puddle. So yeah, there would be no coming out today, thank you.

And Ethan...Well, I'd privately wondered if he wasn't a hundred percent straight. It was there in the little comments he'd let slip, the way he hesitated a fraction of a second too long before talking about _people _he was attracted to, the way he suddenly got really defensive when the assholes on our lacrosse team mentioned Kendall's sexuality, even though it'd never bothered Ethan before. If I was right though, he was Narnia-deep in the closet. How the hell could Kendall have spotted it when he'd only been back from school a matter of weeks?

Ethan didn't look away from the television. "Jesus. It's a figure of speech, old man. My boy, as in my _friend_. My _comrade_. My...oh fuck! Zombie, zombie, zombie! _Shit_." Ethan's chin sank to his chest as the screen flashed and he became a victim of the zombie horde. He tossed the controller to the couch cushion next to him and turned his head to look over at the table. "Not that _you _could give me crap about it, even if I was bi or whatever, ya big flamer." Ethan's eyes widened and he looked at me in instant apology. "Shit. Sorry, James. I didn't mean that word."

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second.

"Oh, fuck," Ethan said. "I just made it worse, didn't I?"

"Uh..._yeah_." Kendall scratched at his hair, leaving a few strands standing on end. "Takes a special kind of idiot to do more damage with the apology than with the insult. Congratulations, Ethan."

"Shut up!" Ethan set his jaw, but his cheeks went red. "James knows I didn't mean...anything." His eyes pled for mercy.

"Yeah. I know, Ethan." I said. I smiled wide, so he'd believe I meant it. "It's...totally fine." And it was. Because it had to be.

Shit happened.

Life was unfair.

Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Everything happened for a reason.

It would all be okay.

There were lots of people worse off than me.

My mom died of cancer when I was thirteen, so I knew _all _the platitudes.

Kendall made a noise in his throat somewhere between a cough and a choke.

"I'm sorry too, Jay," Kendall said in a soft voice. "I shouldn't have teased in the first place. I was just-" He broke off, took a deep breath, then raised his voice again. "Anyway. You know I'm here if you wanna talk, and if not, I'll forget anything I might have heard today. Back to the exciting world of derivatives?"

I shook my head, slamming the textbook shut. "No. I can't. It's no use. I'm fucked."

Kendall frowned. "What's up? I'd blame shit-for-brains," he said, jerking a thumb at Ethan, who'd resumed his video game.

"Hey!" Ethan protested.

"...but that's not all that's going on. You've been off ever since you got here," Kendall finished.

"What, are you planning to specialize in psychiatry now, Doctor Knight? Does working on a pre-med degree qualify you to diagnose me? It's nothing. I just fucking suck at calculus. That's all." I grabbed my backpack and attempted to jam my math book into it, but the fucking thing wouldn't _go_, because of course it wouldn't.

"That's all?" Kendall echoed, watching my fucking comedy routine with the book and the bag without attempting to intervene. "So you're...what? Gonna give up? Gonna go home, bottle it up, and play video games? Let the world just happen to you, Dumbass?"

_Ouch_. I dropped the book on the table and looked at Kendall, stung. "I'm _not _a dumbass, so stop calling me that. And _screw you_."

"Yeah," Ethan said, pausing his game so he could glare at Kendall also. "I don't know what crawled up _your _ass and died, but leave James alone!"

"_Your boy _James?" Kendall snorted. "But only in a platonic sort of way, right?"

The scathing tone hurt more than it should have because it was so unexpected.

Honestly, I expected Ethan to be a jerk sometimes. He was brash and silly and occasionally thoughtless, but he meant well. We gave each other shit _constantly_ because we'd been friends since birth-or even _before _birth, since our mothers had been pregnant at the same time-and had lived next door to one another all our lives. Ethan's father was a well-respected doctor who'd been my dad's biggest campaign supporter when my father first ran for office and _still _drove a Toyota with a "Diamond for State Senate" bumper sticker. Mrs. Knight, meanwhile, had driven my mother to her oncology appointments, and now sat on the board of the cancer charity my father had founded in my mother's name.

But Kendall? _Damn. _Kendall wasn't just my friend, he was more like my idol, you know? He was older than me, but just by a couple of years, and was wiser, kinder, and smarter, too. And he never seemed to mind having me around. When we were younger, he'd always picked _me _to be on his team when the neighborhood kids played kickball, even though I'd missed more pitches than I'd kicked back then. And Kendall had been the only one who'd recognized that I might need _comfort _rather than _congratulations _when my father announced he was getting remarried to the well-endowed Brenda Stevens and presented me with Alyssa-a brand-new stepsister-two years after my mom died. He'd found me in the backyard, crying into a bed of snapdragons, because those had been my mom's favorite flowers, and had sat beside me for an hour without saying a single stupid thing about life being unfair. He was the big brother I'd always wanted.

"You know what?" Ethan said, vaulting over the arm of the sofa. "If you need me to kick your ass, Ken, I'm happy to do it. I don't know what the fuck you're mad at _me _for, and I sure as hell don't know what you're mad at _James _for." He came up beside me and folded his arms over his chest like he was ready to throw down and defend my honor. I'd be lying if I said my stomach didn't flip a little at the idea.

Kendall folded his arms over his chest, too. "I'm not mad."

"No, you're a judgy bitch," I informed him.

Kendall's eyes locked on mine and held.

"You know why I'm here right now, Kendall? Because my father took one look at my SATs and decided that a regular old college wouldn't do for _his _son, oh no. He's upwardly mobile, politically. He's got Brenda's family money and connections, so state senate isn't enough anymore." I threw my bag into the corner. "That's why he's never home these days. There's always a memorial that needs to be dedicated, or a pancake breakfast that has to be eaten, or a wild animal on the brink of extinction that needs to be saved with an impassioned speech. And we all have to do our part, you know? I have to pass calculus and get into an Ivy League. Alyssa has to be the prettiest, most polite stepdaughter, and the poor thing hasn't seen her _own _father in fucking ages. Brenda has to decorate and redecorate the goddamn house every two minutes like it's her job."

I pushed my math book off the table and it skittered across the floor. Kendall's eyes didn't move from mine.

"You know why else I'm not _playing video games_? Because they've all been packed away for now. Brenda has decided that the basement rec room needs to be a _tranquil, soothing haven_, so she's in the process of re-doing the whole thing in _underwater pastels_, that she assures me are going to be _cheerful _and _zen_, because that's the exact atmosphere I need for playing Call of Duty in the goddamn dark."

I sucked in a breath, practically vibrating with anger.

"Not that it matters what I think. It's not _my _house, right? It's _Brenda's_. And yes, Brenda means well, and yes, Brenda is kind to me, but Brenda's gotta be descended from a family of fucking Daleks, because all the woman knows how to do is _exterminate _and she cannot be stopped. So if Brenda wants to yank out the gardens in the back to put in a pool, then she will. And if she wants to paint my mother's bedroom _bright pink _to dispel negative energy, then she will. And if she wants to erase everything that existed before she got there, then she fucking _will_, and that's all there is to it. And because I'm a goddamn Diamond, I would rather be flayed with a thousand tiny knives than ask her to stop."

I stared at Kendall and panted, closing my hands into fists at my sides. "And I know, I know _perfectly well_, that I am warm and clothed and rich and smart, so _cry me a river_, right? But this morning my academic counselor called me into her office to discuss my future major and eventual career plans, like the poor, deluded woman thinks I actually have _choices _about anything in my life, and I realized there is not one soul on the planet who really sees me. I'm worse than invisible. I'm the fucking...shiny, mirrored surface that reflects what other people want me to be. And sometimes it fucking _sucks_!"

I punctuated the last word by ramming my fist, knuckles-first, into the solid wooden table.

Spoiler: The table won.

Also spoiler: It hurt like _hell_.

"Shit," I breathed, cradling my hand to my chest like a baby, too worn out to even scream.

And Kendall? He just nodded, like the whole entire torrent had simply confirmed something he already knew.

If I weren't suddenly so tired, I might have planted my other fist in his _face_.

"God, James," Ethan stared at me wide-eyed and walked slowly across the space between us until he could wrap an arm around me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, still holding my hand to my chest. It was starting to throb, sending little ricochets of pain all the way up to my elbow, but for the first time in a while I felt...I don't know..._empty_. It wasn't a bad feeling.

Ethan put his other hand on my cheek and turned my head to make me look at him. Up close like this, his eyes were so much like Kendall's. Emerald and expressive and surrounded by long, dark lashes. Prettier than I'd ever noticed.

"Calm down," he said, brushing my jaw with his thumb. "Everything is gonna be okay."

I frowned. I wasn't actually sure it would. And if _I _wasn't sure, then how the hell could _he _be?

Kendall made some kind of noise in his throat, but Ethan wouldn't let me turn to look at him. Instead, _he _snapped at his brother, "Don't just stand there, asshole. Get your stupid first aid kit and fix him!"

Kendall huffed out a breath but complied. He sat me down at the table and took care of my hand without a word, feeling the bones and dabbing at the scrapes on my knuckles, wrapping the whole thing up with ointment and gauze.

"Is it broken?" Ethan demanded once Kendall was done and had fetched me an ice pack from the freezer. "Does he need an x-ray?"

"He'll need to keep an eye on it," Kendall said in a terse voice. "Sometimes there are fractures beneath the surface. But it's not fatal."

Ethan huffed out a breath. "No thanks to _you_. Mr. _Be nice to James, apologize to James_. Who got the guy so mad he punched the furniture?" Ethan shook his head. "Over fucking _calculus_."

Except it hadn't been about calculus. Not really.

"Come sit down. Wanna slay zombies or watch a movie? Oh, or we could watch a movie about slaying zombies!" Ethan guided me over to the sofa with his arm wrapped around my shoulder like I was his elderly grandmother or, you know, _someone he was attracted to_, which had me clutching my hand to my chest for other, far less painful, reasons.

I'd never really thought of Ethan in that light before, but suddenly he was _right there_. And God knew, he was fucking _hot_, all stick-straight hair that wouldn't lie flat, and expressive green eyes, and that warm hand that felt so nice when he stroked my neck as he settled me on one side of the couch and took his seat on the other.

We sat foot-to-foot in front of the TV for the longest time-until way after 28 Days Later was over and we turned on the evening news, not that I paid attention. Ethan grabbed his homework and got to work, though I could tell he wasn't paying attention to that either since he had to erase every third word and spent more time tapping his pencil on the paper than reading his book. Every once in a while, Ethan's foot would nudge my leg and I almost couldn't be sad that I'd vomited my self-pitying bullshit all over the place because the looks he gave me made me blush.

I looked over at Kendall only once and found him sitting at the kitchen table, drawing something in his sketchbook, ignoring us.

When it was time to go home, I'd stood and turned to Ethan, all embarrassed and apologetic.

"Look, I'm sorry I...you know," I said inadequately, gesturing to my wrapped hand and the kitchen. "That was...intense."

He nodded. "Very. And I know that's not really _you_. But it's fine. The events of today have gone in the vault of silence," he declared solemnly, then he gave me a bright smile. "If asked as school tomorrow, I'll tell everyone you hurt your hand wrestling piranhas and we will never speak of this day again."

I smiled awkwardly, because in that moment my entire body was composed of nothing but awkwardness, thrumming through my veins and making my cheeks go hot.

I practically skipped around the couch and into the empty kitchen where I grabbed blindly for the backpack I'd thrown in the corner during my...piranha wrestling.

I'd been flirting with Ethan Knight.

_Ethan_, of all people on the planet, even though the Knight brother I'd always had a thing for was-

"So, um...I'll see you at school tomorrow?" Ethan asked from behind me.

I whirled to face him. "Oh...yeah. _Yeah_. Of course. Or I can give you a ride, if you want?"

"Yeah? _Yeah_. Cool."

"Cool." I slung my backpack strap over my shoulder, cleared my throat, and headed for the front door. I'd apparently expended all the words in my body that weren't _yeah _and _cool_, and I had no idea where to take things from here, or even if I wanted to.

This was _Ethan Knight_. I couldn't quite transcend my disbelief.

"Oh, uh, hey, James?" Ethan called. "I think this is yours."

I turned and he held out a piece of paper-plain notebook paper, like the kind he'd been writing on back at the couch, folded into quarters, with my name scrawled in blue ballpoint pen on the top.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. You must've dropped it, I guess. It was on the floor." He cleared his throat and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, staring at the crown molding like it was deeply fascinating. "So...tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah." I grinned. "I think we covered that."

"Right." He blushed and tapped his fingers in an exaggerated drum riff on the counter. "Right."

I frowned and stared down at the note.

Then I opened it.

And read it.

And refolded it.

And put it carefully in the back pocket of my pants, because I knew I was gonna treasure that thing for the rest of my goddamn life.

I took one giant step toward Ethan, who looked at me in surprise…

And I kissed the ever-living shit out of him.

It shocked him-as in, his hands flailed and he made a strangled _mmph _sound and it took a second for him to wrap his arms around me and get into it, though he definitely, _definitely _got into it-but I figured that was okay since he'd shocked the shit out of me, too.

The note he'd given me wasn't a love letter, exactly. It was something better. A shaft of sunlight to my sad, angry little teenaged heart.

_I'm sorry, _it said. _I suck at actually talking about important shit. Then again, so do you, so maybe a note will work. _

_You're not alone, James. _

_I see you. You're fighting your feelings like they make you weak. You're pushing down your emotions and your own needs. You try to live for everyone else, and it's making you miserable._

_So stop, dumbass._

_It's okay to get angry. To get loud. To be bold._

_Life's not like calculus. There's more than one right answer._

_Don't think you need to achieve something to be worthy of love, or that an Ivy League will make you special, because you're already worthy. You're already special._

_You're already loved._

_You always have been._

_And I promise, you always will be._

Ethan and I broke apart a second later, and I grinned.

"Wow."

"No shit, wow." Ethan bit his lip but couldn't hide his wide grin. "Where've you been hiding _that_?"

"Oh, you know. I have my secrets. I'm fucking _special _and all."

Ethan laughed and shook his head like he'd never really seen me before. "Yeah. You sure are."

I heard footsteps in the hallway and instinctively took a step away from Ethan, clearing my throat. Kendall walked in and glanced between the two of us silently. I found it hard to look him in the eye.

"So...you're going home?" he said finally, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Yep."

Kendall nodded. "Listen. I'm sorry our tutoring got so...uh...rowdy."

I snorted and then I _did _lift my gaze to his. "Rowdy. That's one way to put it."

"Was it cathartic, at least?"

I blinked at him. It had been. Like releasing steam.

"Cathartic or not, don't try it again. We don't need any trips to the ER," Ethan said, closing the distance between us. He shocked the hell out of me for the billionth time that day by putting his hand on my lower back, right in front of his brother. Happy tingles shot up and down my spine. "And you can leave _my boy James _alone," he added lightly.

Kendall stared at us blankly, his lips parted in surprise. "You...but...oh. _Oh_. Well this is sudden."

"Go on," Ethan challenged. "Ask me if I mean it platonically."

Kendall floundered uncertainly for a moment, but it wasn't Ethan he looked to for confirmation, it was me.

I bit my lip, unsure what to say.

_He wrote me this note, Ken...In two seconds, everything changed._

"Well," Kendall said again, dusting his hands on the legs of his jeans and nodding like an insane robot. He smiled with the brightness of a thousand suns. It was...odd. "I guess I _was _right, huh? You did have something to tell me!" He winked broadly. "I'm glad you two pulled your heads out of your asses. James, be patient with my brother, he's like an over-sized, hyperactive preschooler. Ethan, don't ever get between James and a table. And both of you, look sharp, because once they know, Mom and Dad are gonna hurry you to the altar and Ethan is too ugly to be a child bride."

"Oh, shit," Ethan said ruefully as Kendall slapped him on the shoulder. "I have to tell Mom and Dad."

Kendall snorted and shoved his hands back in his pockets. "Yeah, well. If that's the worst thing you have to deal with, you're a lucky bastard," he said.

"Um...Ken?" I said, grabbing his forearm as he walked past me. "I accept your apology. Friends again? Gonna tutor me in math still?"

Kendall nodded. "Of course, Jay. Friends always."

I smiled and walked home, thinking about the note and about how much brighter the future seemed with the promise of _always _to look forward to.

But I was going to learn that always wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

* * *

**Done! Like I said earlier, this is just the prologue. We'll jump to the present day next chapter.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have any favorite parts/moments!**

**Again, I hope you all enjoyed! And if you did, you have RainbowDiamonds to thank for notifying me about the challenge. :) I had planned on this only being two chapters, but I got so into it that it ended up being about four chapters long, so those chapters will be up within the course of the next week or so.**

**Until next time! **

**-Epically Obsessed**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :D**

**Before we get to the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read teh first chapter of this. I would also like to give a huge thank you to annabellex2, winterschild11, BigTimeRush-BTR, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

**I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

_Present Day _

"You know, James, for a tiny, backwater town, O'Leary's got decent eats." Grandma Stevens waggled her eyebrows as she speared a giant scallop with her fork and stuffed the whole thing in her red-lipsticked mouth.

She leaned closer until her peach-colored, perfectly-styled hair was nearly brushing my chin and confided in a whisper loud enough to be heard in Syracuse, "Almost makes all this destination-Valentine's-Day-wedding bullshit worthwhile, eh? What's wrong with a beach wedding in July? But I guess when the almighty Senator Diamond decides it'd be better for his image to have a dog and pony show on the icy tundra of Upstate New York in February, I guess we all jump, huh?" She leaned back and popped another scallop in her mouth, then licked her lips approvingly. "At least the Knights didn't cheap out on the rehearsal dinner food. I won't be ashamed to have Ethan as my grandson-in-law." She winked.

I tried to smile back, because it was hard _not _to be amused by Grandma Stevens, who was possibly my favorite person out of the bushel of new relatives I'd gained when my father remarried-well, after Alyssa, of course-but I was pretty sure I hadn't quite achieved it.

The wedding I'd spent a year planning was happening the day after tomorrow, I was stressed beyond belief, and I was realizing that the pangs and misgivings I'd been ignoring since Ethan's proposal fourteen months ago hadn't gone away _at all_.

"I'm glad you're enjoying the food," I told her. "Alyssa put a lot of effort into organizing this weekend so everyone would have a great time."

For that matter, so had I, since I was the 'Man of Honor' to the bride for this event and I took my role seriously.

Oh, yes, I said I was the Man of Honor for the wedding.

_Me_, James Diamond.

The bride's stepbrother.

The groom's ex-boyfriend.

And if you didn't foresee _that _happening, then join the club. I'd been in the room, a little over a year ago on Christmas when they got engaged, and I was _still _shocked.

Grandma Stevens chewed thoughtfully, looking towards the smallest of the circular tables, where the happy couple were seated with their parents. "I doubt Alyssa and Ethan even know we're here, kiddo, let alone what kind of time we're having. _She's _got cartoon hearts in her eyes, and _he's _looking at her like I'm looking at my dinner." She bit into her next scallop with gusto. "Rawr!"

_Oh, God. _I might never touch shellfish again.

Grandma Stevens jerked a thumb in the direction I'd been studiously avoiding for the entire hour and thirty-seven minutes we'd been at this rehearsal dinner like she was daring me to check the truth of her words.

_Don't look, Diamond. Don't look, don't look, don't-_

_Gah._

_Too late._

And, of course, once I looked, I couldn't look away.

I swallowed hard.

Alyssa Stevens was a beauty, no doubt about it. Long, waving auburn hair that had a carroty puff of Hermione-Granger-frizz when I first met her and was now Emma-Watson-sleek, green eyes that glowed with intelligence, and a broad pink smile that looked kind and generous because it _was_. Once I'd stopped thinking of her as a _step_sister, a usurper, and started seeing that she was as much a victim of our parents' marriage as I was, we'd become close. Really close. And while there were lots of things I'd never be reconciled to about my father's choices in his career and marriages, bringing Alyssa into my life made up for a lot of it.

Her eyes found mine, like she could sense me looking at her, and her smile broadened as she shook her head. _Can you believe this shit? _that look said.

And, no. Nope. I couldn't. But I grinned back at her anyway.

She was wearing an elegant, dark green dress that brought out her eyes and highlighted her figure. It also happened to be Ethan's favorite color, which I'd pointed out to her when I'd helped her choose it.

Because, you know, Man of Honor, right?

Fuck my life.

I watched as fingers stroked across the shoulder of Alyssa's dress and toyed with the fabric at the edge of the plunging v-neck, drawing Alyssa's attention away from me and back to where it belonged, and the look on her face made me swallow hard.

Because of all the things that made my sister beautiful tonight, maybe the greatest was the way she was right then staring at her fiancé like the entire reason for her existence had been distilled into one man, and that man was Ethan Knight.

_My _Ethan Knight.

Who I still couldn't force myself to look at.

_Ugh._

I couldn't even reach out to Logan or Carlos because they were on their honeymoon, although they might as well have been here given how many texts I'd gotten from them both checking on me, but I knew that even if they _were _here, it wouldn't have helped much.

So I grabbed my phone and sent an emergency text to the one person I knew for sure could possibly distract me from this shit show.

**James: **_Kendall Knight, where the fuck are you?!_

Kendall didn't answer right away, which was probably a good sign. He was flying in from freaking California, where he was knee-deep in his medical residency, and then he had to drive all the way from the airport to O'Leary. If he couldn't reply, that meant he was getting closer. The one stable, sane human I could always count on was getting closer.

I figured if Kendall's texts and phone calls had gotten me through everything these last seven years-college, countless job interviews, the death of my grandmother, and the naming of my cat-he could damn well get me through this, too. And for once, Kendall was going to break his rules about never discussing his brother with me, because my mind was a whirlwind of teenage dreams and heartbreak and questions I _swear _I thought I'd resolved a long time ago, but were now swimming back to the surface like Jaws ready to swallow me whole.

I huffed out a breath and dropped my phone in my pocket.

A waiter leaned over my shoulder to refill my glass of Chardonnay and I laid a hand on his arm.

"Maybe you could just...leave the bottle here?" I suggested, looking up at him.

He didn't blink, but whatever he saw in my eyes made him set the bottle on the table in front of me, pat my shoulder gently, and say in a sympathetic voice, "Let me know if you need more."

_Oh, I would._

I focused on the tiny copper fairy lights that festooned the walls and ceiling of the weatherproof tent. This tent would be the venue for the wedding in two days' time, and some decorations for the main event were already in place-pale pink hearts and white pom poms hung at intervals over the tables, just waiting for the epic floral creations that would be put in place at the last minute.

I'd suggested those fairy lights, just like I'd insisted on the rare celestial-pink roses for the centerpieces, even when Alyssa had bitten her lip and frowned at the cost. There had to be _some _compensation for letting my father control so much about the big day, I'd reminded her, and she'd leaned her head on my shoulder and nodded. I'd even helped pick the entrees and the cake during a whirlwind, taste-testing visit to O'Leary last spring...After which, I'd gone out to a bar and attempted to erase the cloying taste of jealousy and rosewater cake with several glasses of whiskey and a hot, local boy named Jett.

Spoiler: It hadn't worked.

Also spoiler: None of the similar attempts I'd made over the last few months had worked either, though God knew I hadn't stopped trying.

Instead, I'd thrown all my energy into ensuring this wedding was absolutely _perfect _for Ethan and Alyssa, while also making sure no one could see just how torn up I was about it...because there was no good reason why I _should _be torn up about it. No _logical _reason, anyway.

Ethan and I had broken up nearly two years ago! And sure, we'd dated for four years, but we'd spent more of that time apart than together since I was in New Hampshire for college and he stayed in-state. We hadn't even spent many of our breaks together, because when I'd had the opportunity to go to Costa Rica to volunteer or to San Fransisco for an internship, I'd taken it. When Ethan had suggested that maybe we should see other people shortly after graduation, there'd been a big portion of relief mixed in with my sadness. When he and Alyssa had started dating a few months later, I'd been a little shaken, but I'd wished them well. And when they'd gotten engaged six months after that, I'd been honestly happy for them. Mostly.

So there was no drama there.

No _scandal_.

No hard feelings.

Ethan and I still saw each other pretty often and texted a bunch-not nearly as often as I texted with Kendall or Alysa, but often enough that my heart should have gotten the message my brain clearly understood-we were friends. Ethan Knight was not in love with me.

But a tiny voice in the back of my head said _he should be_, because he'd promised he always would be, that one time when we were eighteen.

Yes. Really.

Honestly, if anyone else had told me this story, my eyes would have rolled so hard they _broke_, okay? But such was the power of the goddamn note, even _seven years later_. I _knew _it was insane-was fully aware that _I _was insane. That was the worst part of all this. Ethan had written me that note when we were kids. When he had no idea what _always _was. When we'd had no clue, really, who _we _were.

Still, that piece of paper had meant _so much _to me. It had given me confidence at a time when I hadn't had any. It had assured me I was loved when I'd thought I was alone. Those words had been the basis for everything I'd achieved since then-building my own life, making my own choices, standing up for myself. Those words had been a magical incantation that had set little larva-James' metamorphosis in motion. So even though I knew it was completely devoid of sense, I was fixated on the damn thing.

Had Ethan meant the words at all, even when he wrote them? Had he done it just to be nice? The few times I'd mentioned it over the years, Ethan had playfully insisted he couldn't remember anything he'd said or done the day we got together, and he'd never talk about it. I knew he loved me, but he really _was _shit at communication about important things, just like the note had said, and though he was affectionate, he was never really lovey-dovey or effusive. There were times when I tormented myself with the idea that he'd regretted writing the note from the second I'd opened it, and had only been with me out of a sense of duty.

Worse than that was the idea that he _had _meant it at the time, but that something I'd said or done had made him change his mind.

I hadn't summoned the guts to question him about it, but God, I really needed answers.

Grandam Stevens jabbed me in the gut with one bony elbow to regain my attention. "Ethan looks good, eh?"

I met her gaze, every bit as green and intelligent as Alyssa's, and I was pretty sure she noticed that I hadn't looked at Ethan directly even once.

The woman was a terror. I kind of wanted to be her someday.

But with her eyes on me, I forced myself to look back at Alyssa and Ethan's table, because really, looking at him couldn't be any worse than thinking about him, could it?

Did Ethan look good? It was honestly hard to say. Objectively speaking, he was handsome as ever. His relentlessly-straight blond hair was meticulously swept off his forehead, held in place with twenty-seven pounds of styling product, and his cheeks were flushed a bright pink that had less to do with the way the heaters were blasting the February chill out of the event tent and more to do with the way Alyssa was leaning against his side.

Would I have fallen for him if he hadn't fallen for me first, though? I wasn't sure. It was like solving a complex equation in reverse, and I'd never been particularly good at math without Kendall to explain it to me.

What I did know, without a doubt, was that Ethan had never once looked at me with the tender, devoted passion he was right now gushing all over my sister.

And I had never once looked at him the way Alyssa did, either.

"Yeah," I told Grandma Stevens. "He looks really good. Happy."

Her mouth pursed in a sad little smile, but she nodded like I'd said exactly what she needed to hear.

"When a man finds where he belongs, it's like a key turning in a lock, James. There's happy, and then there's _happy_-happy, when the feeling is so bone-deep, you know it'll never go away no matter how hard life gets, because you're where you're meant to be and doing what you're meant to do. That's what Ethan has now. And when someone you care about finds that kind of happiness, you can't help but wish them well." She paused and tilted her head towards me. "Right?"

"Yeah." I nodded slowly, and she reached across the white linen table cloth to give my hand a gentle squeeze. "You're right."

So when she turned away to talk to the distant cousin on her left, I pushed my plate aside, reached for the bottle of wine, filled my glass to the tippy-top, and said a mental toast to the happiness of my stepsister and the man I'd thought was the love of my life.

But I could feel the note burning a hole in my pocket.

* * *

I stared across the tent at James, watching him gulp down his seventh glass of wine with the desperation of a marathon runner who wasn't sure he'd make it to the finish. His brunet hair was a little longer on top than it had been the last time I saw him in person, and the selfies he sent me all the damn time hadn't prepared me for the real thing. A photograph couldn't convey just how soft and touchable it looked, for example.

And from a comfortable distance of three thousand miles, it was much easier to restrain the impulse to go and feel it for myself. To push it away from his forehead and out of his hazel eyes. To make him look at something besides Ethan and Alyssa.

I snorted softly into my Diet Coke.

_Alyssa_? Who was I kidding? He wasn't watching Alyssa at all, just like he hadn't once glanced across the tent at _me_, or even looked at his phone to see that I'd replied to his text. It was only Ethan for him. Still. Even after all these years.

As if it wasn't bad enough to realize I was still as nauseatingly jealous of Ethan as I had been at twenty, when he and James started dating, I was also realizing that I was as much a sucker for James Diamond as ever. The force of the man's hurt and confusion right now was enough to make me want to maim every single person responsible for putting that look on his face.

Starting with my brother.

James was smart and insightful and _hilarious_. He had a will of iron, when he chose to employ it, and the loyalty of a whole pride of lions. But his heart was soft and sweet as marshmallow, and anyone who didn't recognize it was an idiot, including Ethan. If James had ever looked at me that way, I would've held onto him forever.

Instead, we were friends, like I'd promised him we always would be.

_Friends, friends, friends._

"Kendall! Why are you hiding over here?" My mother, perpetually beautiful and elegant in a charcoal dress, fell into the empty chair beside me and leaned over to press a kiss to my cheek. "I didn't even know you'd arrived until someone pointed it out to me and-" She frowned. "Is everything alright? You look...flushed."

"I'm fine, Mom." I kissed her cheek in return. "I got here so late, I figured it'd be better for me to just hang out over here rather than disturb anyone." Better for me to stay across the room from James and his stupid, touchable hair.

Her frown deepened. "Kendall Donald Knight, that's the most absurd thing I've ever heard!"

"Hey!" I narrowed my eyes in mock-outrage, glanced at the empty seats around me, and stage-whispered, "I _was _fine until you said my middle name loud enough for everyone to hear. I thought we had an agreement-I don't get a neck tattoo, you forget all about the _Onald-Day _thing you saddled me with at birth."

She laughed. "I don't recall this agreement. You're gonna have to refresh my memory. Did it involve Pig Latin?"

"It may have been more an _unspoken _agreement," I said, waving one hand in a dismissive gesture. "Where the obligations are so obvious they don't even need to be discussed. But, I've held up my end of the bargain. See?" I tilted my head, showing her the clear skin of my neck beneath my blue dress shirt. "Only fair that you uphold yours."

"Uh-huh." She poked her tongue into her cheek. "Is this like the time you informed your father and I that we'd entered into an unspoken agreement, where if you aced your SATs, we'd eliminate your curfew?"

I feigned surprise. "You make it sound like that wasn't a real thing. I knew you'd say yes if I asked you. I just eliminated the whole back-and-forth discussion."

"The whole _agreement _part of the agreement, you mean? So thoughtful."

"And efficient."

"You should have gone into law instead of medicine."

"Uh, no. I'll leave the law to Ethan. I prefer being Dr. Knight."

"Probably for the best." She smiled softly. "Do you know, I haven't entered into a single unspoken parental agreement since you left for California?"

"Not a single one?" I shook my head and made a _tsk_ing noise. "I trusted Ethan to keep you on your toes after I left."

"Oh, he's keeping us on our toes alright." She snorted. "Him and Alyssa. They're fun." Her smile went a little wistful. "Though, between you and I, I'd sort of been hoping to have James as a son-in-law."

"Yeah?" I kept my tone light and sipped my drink. "Huh."

My mom didn't seem to realize that _some _of us had been waiting fucking ages for James and Ethan to call time of death on their relationship. _Some _of us had taken residencies in San Diego, just so we could be hundreds of miles away from them, and privately _rejoiced _at the news that they were done after four years of dating long-distance all through college. _Some _of us had looked forward to hanging out with James, on our visits home, without having him perpetually looking at Ethan.

Sadly, the first time I'd come home after their breakup had been two Christmases ago...also known as the Christmas when Ethan had proposed to Alyssa, and James had spent an entire afternoon staring at Ethan like he was a math problem James didn't know how to solve. A super fun time had _not _been had by all. And shockingly enough, I hadn't made another effort to go back home when I knew James would be there.

I loved James. I missed him badly. But it was better for all concerned if James and I limited our relationship to daily calls and texts. It was too hard not to grab him and try to shake sense into him when I was in close proximity.

"Oh, you know I've always loved James. And he's been such a rock for Ethan and Alyssa, especially Alyssa during this whole wedding planning thing. Nothing but the best will do for her. He's got a flexible schedule, with his writing, but I know it couldn't have been easy. And even now, he's looking at her like he's worried something will go wrong," she said looking at James affectionately. "I just hope someday he'll find a guy who'll cherish him."

"Yeah, someday," I agreed, though the words felt like sandpaper in my throat. _I'd _tried to cherish James once upon a time, but he'd made it quite clear he didn't see me that way.

"Do you think there'll be anyone here this weekend we can set him up with?" My mother blithely continued, looking around the room eagerly. "Your Great Uncle had a young male nurse here with him. I wonder if he's James' type."

I wasn't going to touch the subject of James' _type _with a ten-foot pole.

"I have no idea what his type is."

"But I thought you two talked a lot! Ethan used to complain that every word out of James' mouth was _Kendall says this, Kendall says that_, even when they were dating." She winked and elbowed me. "I think Ethan was kind of jealous of the way James idolized you."

_Oh, God. _Another topic I wouldn't touch, _ever_.

"I wouldn't say we talk _a lot_," I muttered. "Maybe back when he was in college, but not anymore. I'm really busy at the hospital and there's the whole time zone thing. We FaceTime maybe twice a week." We also texted dozens of times a day, but I wasn't gonna mention that.

"That's not a lot?" She grinned. "Sweetie, how often do you call _me_?"

I ignored that. "James and I don't talk about Ethan," I informed her. "We never have."

"Really? Not even when they were dating?"

I shrugged like I hadn't deliberately engineered it that way.

I'd promised to be James' friend. But the only way I'd been able to make it work was to basically pretend that Ethan didn't exist when it came to James. So I'd given James some bullshit about it being a conflict of interest, and he'd gone along with it.

Instead, we talked about the insanities of my job. We talked about how much James loved his work, and how his father was still sending him job listings, even a year and a half after he'd accepted his position at the small publication in the city.

We talked about James' psychopathic cat, which I'd named Baldric because the stripe across his shoulder looked like a medieval sword belt, and I sent him daily cat memes.

We talked about the Shelby I'd bought last year-which James had dubbed the Compensation-Mobile because clearly only someone with a very small penis would need to drive a muscle car-and he must've spent _hours _trolling the internet for penis enlargement solutions because he'd sent me a new one every day since September.

We talked about our apartments and our neighbors, and when my free moments and his aligned, we watched TV together over FaceTime.

We planned a trip to Thailand together that would probably never happen, but we'd nevertheless scoured restaurant recommendations in Chiang Mai and debated the merits of rice noodles vs egg noodles.

Normal stuff. Friend stuff.

Non-Ethan stuff.

"You know, come to think of it, maybe I'll have to talk to _James _about finding _you _a date this weekend." She watched my dawning horror with unconcealed glee. "That would be one way to make sure you come back to New York once your residency is over next year."

I tensed. "That's...probably not going to happen, Mom. I'm used to living where we don't get buried in snow. I have a tan to maintain." I framed my pale face with my equally-pale hands in demonstration.

"A tan. Please. If I didn't know better, I'd think you sparkled in the sunlight."

"Did you...Oh my God, was that a Twilight reference?"

She tilted her head to one side and gave me a pitying look. "_Oh my God, yes_, Kendall. I exist in the same world you do and I haven't lost my powers of observation, you know."

I pressed my lips together, fighting laughter. God, I loved my mother. "Sorry, I-"

"And though I am, indeed, a withering, ancient husk of a woman," she continued, talking over me. "I do still see the occasional moving picture and read the occasional sheaf of papyrus, much like you youngsters do."

"I know," I said, placatingly. "Of course."

She cupped my cheek and patted it lightly. "And I'm a sucker for eternal love just like you, too."

I frowned, wondering exactly what she thought she knew, and almost against my will, my gaze was dragged across the tent toward James, who was now staring down at the tablecloth in front of him like it held the secrets of the universe, and tensing his hands into fists like those secrets were unpleasant.

The urge to go to him, to comfort him, to protect him, was _insane_.

And this really did not bode well for my mother's little dream of me moving back to New York. I hadn't even been in the state three hours and already I could feel myself becoming the lovesick fool I'd always been in James Diamond's orbit.

I couldn't even say what it was about James that got me. He was hot, yes, with his enticing hazel eyes, his tan skin, and the mischievous grin that peeked out before he said something snarky. But the world was full of hot guys, and San Diego had a larger-than-average share. Still, every guy I'd been with since I moved away had been a placeholder.

It didn't seem to matter to my stupid heart that I hadn't been near the guy in over a year, or that entire miles of Artic shelf had sunk into the sea and whole species had gone extinct since I'd first fallen for him. It didn't matter that he wasn't the same guy he'd been then, and neither was I. It wanted what it wanted.

We'd learned in medical school that the heart was a resilient muscle, but apparently mine hadn't gotten the memo.

And how ironic was it that James' feelings for Ethan seemed to be about the same? It was either a Shakespearean comedy or the saddest song Dolly Parton ever wrote.

Maybe both.

"Alrighty! Are you guys having a good time?" A deep, disembodied voice asked, cutting off the jazz music that had been playing. I looked around and saw the diminutive wedding planner waving his hand in the air near the head of the table. "You guys are great, and Alyssa and Ethan are so thrilled that their family and close friends could join them tonight for their rehearsal dinner! How good are those scallops, am I right? Nothing but the best for the two!"

Polite applause broke out and my mother and I exchanged a look that had me lifting a hand to smother my smile.

"Now, usually people wait until the actual wedding reception to toast the bride and groom before we send them off on their _honeymoon_." The wedding planner beamed at Alyssa, who blushed, and Ethan, who wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder. "But usually at bigger events, I find that there are one or two friends or family members who'd prefer to address their remarks to the couple in a smaller, more intimate venue like this one. So, at this time I'd like to invite anyone who'd like to make a toast to..._Oh_. Yes. Okay." The man nodded to someone at the table behind me, and made a come-hither motion with his fingers.

A woman stood and tugged at her white and pink dress, then nearly danced her way to the front of the tent.

"Hey, I'm _Becky_. I'm a _bridesmaid_."

Another woman cheered, Becky beamed.

"I just wanted to say, I've known Alyssa since summer camp when we were, like, twelve? And, like, I remember her having a crush on her cute neighbor Ethan even back then! And it's so inspiring how much you two have overcome to, like, get where you are today?" Becky sniffed deeply and fanned herself with fluttering fingers, like she was trying not to cry. "You guys are, like, the _ultimate _definition of forever love."

I coughed and looked at my lap, because laughter would be inappropriate, and considered texting James again, just to hear his response. James hated weddings nearly as much as I did.

"I'm just so happy," Becky continued, "that I-Hey! _Wait_ It's not your turn! I'm not done!"

I looked up quickly at Becky's outraged tone and _did _laugh, because James-hopped up on Chardonnay-was wrestling the microphone out of her hands.

My first thought was, _Oh dear God._

My second, and equally helpful, thought was, _Christ, he looks so good in that suit._

But then I saw the folded piece of notebook paper James was pulling out of his pocket and my stomach body slammed against my rib cage so hard I was shocked no one else heard it.

"I have things to say," James yelled into the microphone, barely holding it away from the Bridesmaid-Becky, since the chick was pretty damn tall in her huge heels. "I want to know what _always _means."

I was on my feet before the last word was out of his mouth.

* * *

**Done! So...yeah. It doesn't look like the rehearsal dinner is going great and it looks like things are about to get more...interesting.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

**Again, I hope you all enjoyed! You won't have to wait too long for the next chapter since I plan on having it up with the next few days. :)**

**Until then!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :D**

**Before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, annabellex2, BigTimeRush-BTR, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

**I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I was shaking a little bit, which was weird. The note in my hand was trembling like there was a gale-force wind blowing through the tent, and I was finding it a little bit hard to focus on Ethan and Alyssa. I could see Brenda, though, all wide-eyed with terror as she slapped at my father's sleeve.

Silly Brenda. What the heck did she think I was going to do? Declare my undying love for her future son-in-law? Challenge Alyssa to a duel? I snorted.

I most definitely was not standing here to declare my undying love for Ethan. In fact, I was coming to realize that I'd never actually been in love with him in the first place. And he'd sure as fuck never been in love with _me_.

Wasn't _that _a kick in the head?

I'd been lied to.

I'd lied to myself.

And it had all started with this stupid note.

"I have things to say," I said into the microphone, brandishing the paper in my hand and ignoring the way the chick with the Cupid-dress was desperately trying to get the thing back. "I want to know what _always _means."

I had questions, and I was going to get some goddamn answers.

"James!"

I swiveled my head at the sound of my name in that familiar voice and focused on the man walking toward me.

"Kendall?"

_Oh, thank God._

Some of my panicked confusion eased just at the sight of him, all tall and competent with those patient, patient eyes I hadn't seen up-close in fucking _forever_. It was like I'd been parched for something I hadn't even known I was thirsting for.

Which was dumb, obviously. I talked to Kendall all the damn time. Last week, we'd talked about isolationist politics. Earlier this week, he'd challenged me to use _Con-drag-ulations _in my everyday life and see if anyone caught on.

Spoiler: I had.

Also Spoiler: My boss, Griffin, had totally caught on and had _not _been amused.

But it didn't matter, because I'd won Kendall's challenge.

Kendall grabbed the mic from my hand and clapped me on the shoulder simultaneously. He forced out a laugh. "James, man, you _swore _you weren't gonna read your poem until the wedding!"

"I...what?"

Kendall flicked my forehead, the way he used to when I was being completely thick-headed about something. "Go with it," he whispered. Then, into the microphone, he said, "Oh James, don't be modest."

Kendall somehow managed to shake my shoulder reproachfully, pull me against his side, and grin broadly at the rest of the guests, all at the same time.

He took the note from my hand, folded it without looking at it, and slipped it back into my jacket pocket.

"James has been working on this poem called _I Want to Know What Always Means_," Kendall said to the guests sheepishly.

Brenda and my father shared a look, and my father shrugged as if to say, _"Do we really expect anything different from James?" _Kendall's mom looked like she was trying not to laugh.

I'd always liked Mrs. Knight.

"The poem was kind of a surprise for the bride and groom. Wasn't it, James?" He shook my shoulder again, jarring me back to reality and making the room spin.

"Um...yes?"

"Yes!" he agreed brightly. "Yes, it was. I have read some early versions of this poem, you guys, and-" Kendall whistled through his teeth. "It. Is. A. _Doozy_. Isn't it, James?"

"It...yes?"

"Yes," he said again. "Entire stanzas where he rhymes _altar _and, uh...and, uh…"

"Never falter?" I supplied.

He blinked at me. "Right! Yes. And, um, spouse, and…"

"House!" I said happily, getting into it. I was good at this game.

"Yes! Exactly," Kendall said. "You guys are gonna love it, but-"

"Table and fable! Hand and band! Wedding and bedding!"

Kendall's hand fastened around the back of my neck and squeezed. "Whoa! Let's not give the _whole _poem away. Always leave 'em wanting more, yeah?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He nodded emphatically. "So! We're gonna go now. James and me. Kinda refine what James already has and...you know. Perfect it. That kind of thing. You guys have a good night." He handed the microphone back to the wedding planner dude, whose name I realized belatedly was Dean, then ushered me out the side-door of the tent, into the February night.

"Hey! I was just...I had _questions_, Ken!" I said, pulling against him.

Kendall only grunted and grabbed my hand more firmly as he dragged me across the frozen grass.

"Do you even know where you're going? I wasn't gonna...Kendall! You're gonna pull my arm out of its socket and then you'll be sorry."

He muttered something that sounded like, "Will I?" He adjusted his grip, but didn't slow down.

"Kendall! It's really fucking cold," I said, watching my breath form clouds in the air. "And I don't have a coat."

He pulled me through an opening in the shrubbery that surrounded the tent, and out into a vast open field. Everything was covered in snow or ice or frost or something, and the moon glinted off all the whiteness the way the sun hit the water at the beach. Blinding. Beautiful.

But fucking _cold_.

"Seriously, Kendall! It's _cold_-cold," I informed him. Cold-cold? Now I was sounding like Grandma Stevens with her _happy_-happy bullshit. I snorted, and then choked on the lungful of frozen air and doubled over, coughing.

Kendall rounded on me.

"What the _hell _were you thinking, James?" he demanded. "Getting drunk? Trying to ruin Alyssa and Ethan's wedding rehearsal dinner? Jesus Christ. At what point are you going to give this _up_? He _doesn't love you_. And it fucking kills me watching you-" he broke off and turned away from me, scraping his hands through his hair.

I could count on one hand the number of times Kendall had lost his patience with me. Actually, I could count it on two fingers. And the second time was no less stunning than the first.

Just like it had seven years ago, Kendall's anger shocked me past my hurt, past my confusion, past all my terrible guilt, past the first layer of the drunken buzz that had been insulating my heart.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have asked my questions in public." I rubbed my forehead as it began to dawn on me how close I'd been to disaster. "And yeah, maybe I had a bit too much to drink, because it hurt too much to be sober. Because...because I realized I've spent seven years believing this load of utter bullshit and it _hurts _to know it was a lie. But you're looking at me like...like I'm some swirling vortex of drama who got liquored up on a Friday, grabbed his car keys, and went all Carrie Underwood on the pickup truck of some guy who's done me wrong. I am _not _Carrie Underwood, Kendall. That's not what was happening here. You know me better than that." At least, he should.

Kendall turned his head to look over his shoulder at me.

"Carrie Underwood?" He shook his head. "And seven glasses of wine, James? Really?"

"It was three," I corrected. "At most."

"Seven."

"_Pfft_. How would you even _know_? You weren't there!"

"That's...irrelevant," he said, so brusquely that even in my inebriated state, I was confident it was _very _relevant...to something. "You have got to give Ethan up, Jay. I _know _it's hard, but-"

"No." I shook my head.

"Christ. _Yes_!" Kendall's voice turned pleading. "He's marrying-"

"No! No, that's not it. I mean I _already _gave him up. Or-" I slashed the air with my hand. "I never had him. I don't know. I don't know which is worse."

Kendall sighed. "James-"

"I would never ruin their wedding, Kendall," I said, the words miserably close to a whine. "Come on. Really? You know I helped them plan the whole thing. I...I _tasted cake_."

"I know," Kendall conceded. "Ethan was texting me about it earlier this week. He thinks you're the best friend ever for being there for them through all this."

I huffed out a half-laugh that was more like a sob and wrapped my arms around myself. It was amazing how blind I'd let myself be. I'd spent the whole night staring at Ethan with new eyes, wondering how I could ever have believed that our friendship was love. But even so, the truth stung.

"Did you ever want something to be true so badly, you convinced yourself it was?" I whispered. "It's like...it's like those people who used to believe the earth was flat, you know? Look at this perfectly flat field!" I swept out a hand. "Why, obviously if we walk to the end, we'll just fall off the earth into the moon, right?" I ran a hand over my mouth. "It sounds so dumb. Like, how could anyone ever believe that? But some people did. Some people still do. Some people light themselves on fire and start wars because of the stuff they believe, and we're like, _'Oh my God, that's insane,' _but it's actually kind of sad, because something inside them must really need to _believe _the thing they believe in so badly that they lose all sense of reality, you know?"

Kendall blinked at me like I was speaking in tongues. "James, baby, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about right now."

"Faith!" I told him. "Blind faith and...Wait, did you just call me baby?"

"Um…"

"Never mind." I shook my head. The cold and the wine were obviously attacking my brain. "I've been an idiot, and it just kind of hit me all at once tonight how dumb I am. I believed in something when I should have known better." I sniffed. "I wasn't gonna ruin the rehearsal dinner intentionally. But I probably would have done it inadvertently. So, thanks, Dr. Knight, for the quick thinking."

I exhaled a cloud of breath and shivered. "Guess I should be getting back to the bed and breakfast. I'll, uh...apologize to everyone tomorrow. And apparently write a poem for my speech. Yay."

Kendall sighed, like he was letting go of the last of his anger and moved to my side, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"I'm sorry, James. I know this isn't easy for you and I _do _know you'd never do anything to ruin their wedding," He admitted.

His body acted as a bit of a windbreaker and a space heater, and I was so tired suddenly, I couldn't help but step even closer, curling myself under his arm and leaning my head on his chest just for a minute.

I sighed, relaxing. "How does this weather not kill you, California boy?"

Kendall chuckled, a rumble beneath my cheek. "Who said it didn't? I've been freezing since I stepped off the plane."

"And yet, here you are, standing in the middle of the field with me. Like a true knight," I joked, burying my nose beneath the edge of his suit jacket, because he was _right there_, and even though we'd never stood like this before, I knew he wouldn't mind.

"Yeah." He snorted. "Here I am."

Kendall smelled like sage and calm and _home_, which was a teensy bit fucked up because neither my Brooklyn walk-up nor Brenda's house had ever smelled like this.

"You've only been back four times in three years," I accused, like maybe he wouldn't remember. "And I only saw you _one _of those, at Christmas a while back. The day…"

"Alyssa and Ethan got engaged? Yeah, well. Medical residents don't exactly get their pick of holidays."

"So? You've _never _come to visit me in the city _at all_. Not even for a weekend. Any time of the year." I hadn't realized how much that bothered me until just then. "And I'm still waiting for my invitation to San Diego."

Kendall said nothing, so I whacked him lightly in the stomach. "This is the part where you say, _I'm sorry I got so busy living my big, important life in California that I forgot all about my little friend James. _Go on," I prompted when he remained silent. "Say it."

Kendall shook his head. "Is that what you think? That I forgot you, Dumbass? Who was texting me spoilers last night for that show you got me sucked into because he just _had _to get an episode ahead and couldn't wait? Hmm? Because the guy in the picture next to your name looked an awful lot like you."

"Not a dumbass." I shrugged. "And I know we text and talk and stuff. But it's not the same."

"The same as what, James?" There was an edge to Kendall's voice and I didn't like it. I'd been hoping it would be another seven years before he got mad at me again.

"The same as being, you know, together. Like, physically. I miss that."

"Together physically." Kendall's voice was strangled. "You can't miss something you've never had, James, and _that _has _never _happened."

I straightened away from him slightly. "Not _that _way. Jeez. I got over _that _crush years ago. I just mean, you know, being near each other. Like, hanging out together. Eating dinner together. Watching TV on the same couch, not over FaceTime. Or actually _going _on a vacation together, not just planning one. I know we haven't done any of that stuff either, but-"

"That crush?"

"What?" I was feeling so sorry for myself that it took me a second to realize what he was talking about. "Oh. _Yeeeeah_. I mean, it was just a high school thing. Before Ethan wrote me the...I mean, before we got together...I kinda had a thing for _you_." I grinned. "All tall and hot and steady and _patient_. Older. Those green eyes. SO good at _calculus_. Is there anything sexier?" I pushed against him with my shoulder, intending it to be a friendly shove, all part of the joke, but his arm tightened around me so I ended up slamming against him instead.

I expected him to tease me back, and when he didn't, I waved a dismissive hand. "You know what? Let's pretend I never mentioned it."

"Let's not," Kendall said with an eerie sort of calmness.

"Huh?"

"James. That paper in your pocket. Why did you bring it today?"

"Oh. The note?" I patted my pocket and the paper crinkled. "Because I'm stupid, like I said." I let out a huge breath, and for the first time, I confessed, "Ethan wrote me a note. The day we got together."

"_Ethan_ did." Kendall seemed to be choking on air now, and I patted his chest gently.

"Yeah. Remember the day we were at your house and I slammed my hand into the table?" I winced at the memory and held my hand up in the moonlight, like I might see scrapes and bruises on my knuckles. "I'd been feeling so shitty that day, remember? So alone. I was this ball of teenage hormones and self-doubt and whatever. I went off on you. Total angst-filled dumpster fire."

Kendall shook me. "Shut up. You were not."

"Yeah. Well. Felt like it. Anyway, after my word-vomit, Ethan and I were watching TV and he wrote me a letter. It said he _saw _me. That I was worthy of love, just the way I was. That he loved me. That he always would." My mouth twitched up at one corner. "He said I should be bold, get mad, live my life for myself. It was so unexpected. And...I don't know. It's weird to even be talking about this, because it's always been one of those things that was too special to even talk about, but...that note changed the way I felt about _everything_. Like having this one person believe in me made all the difference. Trouble was, I took the 'always' part literally." I shrugged.

It seemed like the cold had finally gotten to Kendall. He wasn't moving. I couldn't even tell if he was breathing. He was frozen solid. So I pressed on.

"I mean, we were _kids. _And Ethan was wild back then, not like he is now that he's with Alyssa. He was all insane energy. He didn't _do _always. He didn't really know what he was saying. Yeah, he loved me. He cared about me. I never really doubted any of that, but he wasn't _in _love with me. And tonight I realized that…although I love Ethan, I was never _in _love with him, either." It felt strange to say it, but _right _too. True. "I was in love with the _idea _of him. I was in love with the _note _part of him. But that...wasn't him. Not really. Not after that first day. I see that now." I sighed. "And by _now_, I mean approximately thirty seconds before I downed my three glasses of wine in there."

"Seven," he whispered.

"Whatever." I sighed and leaned more of my weight on Kendall, who accepted it without a word. "Seven glasses of wine for seven years of believing in a fairy tale? Sounds about right. Because I did, you know? I believed it. Even after Ethan and I broke up. Because if the _always _part wasn't true, then maybe the rest was a lie too. Maybe I wasn't _worthy_, like he'd said I was." I snorted. "So dumb. I'm a grown man. I have a career, friends, and a great sister. I know who I am now, and I don't need a note to tell me I'm _important_." I shook my head at my own stupidity.

"Special."

"Pardon?" My heart gave a crazy lurch and I wasn't even sure why.

Kendall inhaled a breath that went on forever, like the world might suddenly run out of oxygen, or he was preparing to deep-dive into water.

"The note," he said. "Says you're _special_."

I pulled away so I could stare at his face. Kendall watched me, stunned and wary. I was pretty sure I was looking at him the same way.

"There is no way you could know that." He hadn't even looked at it when he took it out of my hand tonight. I'd kept it tucked in a drawer for _years_. Unless…

"You did _not _write that letter," I said. "The probability of that is...is..._negative_."

Kendall snorted, and I swear I knew what he was going to say, because he'd said it so often before. "Probability is never negative, Jay."

"No." I shook my head. "No. Nope. There is no way I could have gotten things this wrong. There's...just…"

But I was piecing things together in my mind, thinking of that afternoon and Kendall's patient eyes. Of how the motherfucking note was _unsigned_.

"I tucked that note in your backpack seven years ago," he said like he could read my mind.

"And...and you didn't put your name on it? You never said _anything _to me about it afterward for _seven years_? Kendall...what the _fuck_?"

"I didn't put my name on it. It didn't occur to me that I had to, _Dumbass_," he said softly, and the words of the note came back to me.

_Stop, dumbass._

"Jesus Christ." I shoved his arm with my palm, hard, then did it again when the first push didn't relieve my feelings. He barely moved, and I only got madder. "Jesus Christ, was it an _endearment_, all the times you've called me that? Was it some kind of declaration of affection? Were you the most socially-stunted man-child at Columbia pre-med? Why didn't you verify? And what the hell were you thinking, keeping quiet all this time?"

"I was thinking I'd let my jealousy of Ethan get the better of me, and I provoked you that day. I was thinking you were mad at me, and you had a right to be. I was thinking I wanted to talk to you about it, and I walked in on you kissing my brother," he said quietly, sadly, like it had hurt him then and hurt him still. "I was thinking you'd taken my advice to _be bold _and gone in a totally unintended direction."

I snorted, though it really wasn't funny. "I had."

"And...I don't know, maybe I _was _stunted somehow, because I just figured the only way I could keep you in my life at all was to not say anything."

I was panting, I realized, breathing in quick gasps of frigid air and staring at Kendall like he was this whole different creature. Fucking _panting _like I'd run a mile, when I hadn't moved at all. The entire world had moved _around _me, though. Down was up, and up was down. Every single thing had changed…

Except for Kendall's eyes. Those patient, beautiful green eyes.

Kendall had been _jealous_. Kendall had _loved me_.

And suddenly, I was crying.

"And now?"

"Now, what?" Kendall's eyes were wary again.

"Is this why you never come to visit me? Oh my God, this is why we could never discuss Ethan, ever!"

Kendall nodded slowly. "I assumed you knew exactly how I felt and didn't feel the same, so I tried to pretend it didn't matter. That I was over it. Sound familiar, Man of Honor?"

I gasped.

"James…" He said, taking a step toward me, but I took a step back. I had to.

"I'm...I think...still very drunk," I said.

That wasn't a hundred percent true. I had adrenaline coursing through my veins and I felt more clear-headed than I'd been in...well, seven years, if you wanted to get technical.

But I had no idea how I _felt_, other than very, very stupid.

"I need to get back to my hotel."

Kendall nodded and reached for my arm. "Come on. I think the entrance is this way."

I shook my head. "Nah. I'm not staying here at the inn. I'm at a little bed and breakfast in town. So I can check in with the baker and the florist." And so I didn't have the reality of Ethan and Alyssa staring me in the face, though at this point the idea was almost laughable.

Oh, two-hours-ago-James, you were so naive.

"I'll take you," Kendall said.

"No. I'll grab an Uber. You need to stay here with your family."

"An Uber?" He glanced around at the absolute nothingness. The event tent was hidden behind tall hedges, and from this angle, we couldn't even see the tent beyond it. "Let me drive you, at least."

I hesitated.

"It might be nice to be together. You know, _physically_." He gave me a tentative smile I didn't return because I was angry and annoyed and...stunned.

Kendall Knight-my gorgeous, patient, _rock of a person_, Kendall Knight-had been in love with me. Had thought I was special.

The walk back to the hotel and out the lobby to the parking area was silent. Even after we'd gotten into his rental car, and he'd cranked the heater to help thaw my frozen appendages, I could think of nothing to say. But I did look down at my phone to see that he'd returned my text from earlier.

**Kendall: **_I'm sitting right here waiting for you to look at me, dumbass._

I snorted.

Apparently, he'd been waiting on me for seven fucking years.

And what was I gonna do about it? Punish him for making assumptions, just like I had? Waste more of my life thinking about Ethan and how things had all gone wrong when I could be spending my time enjoying something that felt so obviously _right_?

I was sick of wasting time.

Then the thought occurred to me that maybe Kendall _hadn't _been waiting, that maybe I'd blown my shot years ago without even knowing it.

I turned my head against the seat. "Ken, are you dating anyone?"

"Yes, I'm secretly married and haven't told you."

"At this point, Dr. Knight, I'd believe it. Who knows what else you haven't been completely honest about."

His hands clenched on the steering wheel as we drove down the street through the middle of town, but he shook his head. "No. I've dated a couple of people, but...nobody serious. You?"

"Same." I licked my lips. "_Why _haven't you?"

"I've been busy. I work eighty hours a week. It just...wouldn't be fair."

"Oh." I nodded. _Duh_. How many ways could one man be an idiot? "Got it."

* * *

**Done! So, the truth about the note is out (which many of you guessed), but...where do things go from here?**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

**Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will pick up where this one left off and will be the last. That will be up sometime next week.**

**Until then!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So, this was originally going to be the last chapter, but I realized that chapter was almost 8,000 words in length, so I split it into two chapters, so there will be one more chapter after this.**

**Before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, annabellex2, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

**I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I turned my head to look at James, then looked back at the road. I had no idea where his mind was. Hell, I had no idea where _my _mind was.

And yet I knew that this was another one of those crucial moments, like the one seven years ago, where I'd taken a chance, but hadn't fully committed.

_Be bold_, I'd told him in that note.

In the note he'd kept...in the note he claimed had _changed his life_.

"Not _just _because I was busy," I admitted. I sat up straighter in the seat and rubbed a hand over my mouth. I could feel James' attention focused on me, even though his eyes were on the buildings as we passed through the town.

"This is the place," James said, pointing out the window, and I swung into the narrow driveway next to a huge Victorian house, set back just a little from the sidewalk. The headlights danced off the pink crepe streamers and cartoon cupids hanging in the windows as I made the turn.

When I parked the car, James turned toward me.

"Come up," he said slowly. "We can talk."

I was pretty sure I couldn't deny the man _anything_, so I nodded and followed him through the cold to the front door, and then up the stairs to his room.

He threw his keys on the dark wood dresser as soon as we got inside, kicked off his shoes, then threw himself on the red-and-white-checkered bedspread with a groan, lifting his forearm to cover his eyes. "The light _burns_."

I stood in the doorway and smiled at the sight. James, laid out in his suit, tie askew and hair rumpled but still glinting in the low light of the bedside lamp.

"My keen insight and advanced medical training suggest this might be the Chardonnay getting its revenge, James D-is-for-Drama-Queen Diamond."

He peeked at me from beneath his arm. "I thought the D was for dumbass."

"You're not a dumbass." I kicked off my shoes and laid down on the bed beside him so both of us were looking up at the ceiling. There was something about being beside the man like this that made me feel more alive than I'd been in years, like a battery being recharged, and I couldn't think why I'd ever thought it was a good idea to stay away. I was aware of every cell in my body, and _hyper-_aware of him. I moved my arm just a little until it was touching his and I swear I could feel sparks. This potential had been there for years, and neither of us had known. "Or maybe you are a dumbass. Maybe we _both _are."

Both of us were fully clothed, both of us were probably exhausted, and I knew for a fact that James was still too drunk to be in his right mind, so even if he wanted to jump me right this minute, it wouldn't lead to anything. But I still felt wired.

James snorted. "Again with the endearments. Why haven't you dated anyone seriously, Ken?"

I shook my head and smiled, just a little, moving my arm a bit more until my fingers grazed his hip. "You know why, Jay."

"Nuh-uh," he said. "No. If we've learned nothing else here, it's to never make assumptions. Tell me. Give me the words."

The air in the room was _heavy_, saturated with expectation and possibility. I held my breath and dove in.

"I haven't dated anyone seriously, because I figured if I had to move across the country because I couldn't stand to see you pining for my brother, it wasn't fair to get involved with anyone else."

James' breathing picked up, and the cotton rustled beneath his hair as he turned his head toward me, but I kept staring at the ceiling. There was bold and then there was _stupid_.

"Didn't you hear a word I said earlier?" James demanded. I could feel his gaze on my face. "I'm not in love with Ethan. I never have been. I fell in love with a note. With an idea. And for _years_, I have been trying to jam puzzle pieces together, wondering why nothing fit, wondering what was wrong with me, wondering why everything got _worse _over the years."

I did turn my head toward him then.

"But you're not in love with me either," I whispered, almost wishing he'd lie to me.

But James was honest.

"No," he said. "I'm not. But you're my best friend. You're my rock. You're the first person I want to tell good news to, and the only person who can make my bad days better. And I still think you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." He rolled toward me, lifting his hand to trace a finger over each of my eyebrows. His own hazel eyes were bright in the dim light.

It felt a little like he was looking at me for the first time. It felt a little like we were trading secrets.

"So...I think I could be, Ken." James grinned, then swallowed, like he was elated and terrified, and I knew it because that was exactly how I felt too. "I really think I could be. And I...would really like the opportunity to see."

I couldn't think of a single word to say to that, so I lifted up on my elbow and kissed him. And when our mouths touched, James inhaled and exhaled, a happy sigh.

I have to admit, right here, that I always had kind of a thing for James' mouth, and not just the funny shit that came out of it. His lips had always looked so soft, so kissable.

It was a strange thing to focus on, maybe, but I'd spent weeks sitting across from the guy at my parents' kitchen table, alternately pissed off and turned on by his antics. I'd cataloged every crinkle by his eye when he laughed or smiled. I could have calculated the angle of the arch of his eyebrows and picked the exact shade of his eye color from a paint chip. But that mouth was something else entirely. He'd bite it and twist it and tap it with his pencil until I was so aroused I barely remembered what calculus was myself. Until I'd been obsessed with knowing the texture of those lips, tasting the flavor, tracing them with my tongue.

Honestly, it was a miracle the guy passed his exam with me for a tutor.

And yeah, later on, I'd cursed the fact that I'd noticed so much because I couldn't _un_-notice. But now, somehow, here I was, finding out for certain that they were every bit as soft as they looked, and that they tasted like a combination of vanilla Chapstick and wine.

It was bizarre and amazing, and I really wanted it to be real and permanent. So much so that I needed to put a stop to it.

I rested my hand on his waist, my thumb stroking lightly over his hip bone and pulled back slightly, licking his lips one last time.

"You've been drinking," I reminded him.

"Yeah." He bent one elbow up under his head, cushioning his head on his arm, but otherwise didn't move. "And you're gonna be all chivalrous."

"I'm gonna be cautious," I corrected him. "Because this is important."

His mouth twisted up on one side, and he looked at me with a combination of heat and affection that I'd never imagined seeing on his face. The combination was heady. I was freaking drunk off James.

I took a deep breath. "Besides, we have a big day tomorrow. Or, you do, right? Man of Honor? Gotta be a hundred things to do."

James rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Not too much, actually. The next day, the actual wedding will be insane. But tomorrow's supposed to be pretty laid back. The bride is doing spa treatments with her bridesmaids. Mani-pedis and waxing. I was invited, but it's not my thing."

"So we could spend the day together? Find someplace to get pancakes for breakfast?"

He nodded happily and bit his lip, so obviously I couldn't help leaning in to taste it one more time.

"I'll call you in the morning, then," I said, pulling away. "And I'll grab you a glass of water on my way out."

"Ken?" James clutched at my hand. "You could stay."

I shook my head, but he barreled on.

"No, not anything like that. Just to sleep. We could watch videos on your phone until we get sleepy."

I smiled. His eyelids were at half-mast already.

"You're gonna be asleep in ten minutes," I predicted.

"Then we'll be together for ten minutes." He shrugged one shoulder. "Please?"

If there was a choice to be made, I sure as hell couldn't see it.

We got undressed as quickly as we could, me stripping down into my boxers and T-shirt, James into soft cotton sleep pants and a Dartmouth tee. James let me borrow his toothbrush. It was all cozy and domestic and _natural _in a way I didn't want to think about too much, for fear it would disappear.

We climbed back into the bed and propped ourselves up on pillows to watch an old episode of Lucifer. About ten minutes in, James' head hit my shoulder. Fifteen minutes in, his breathing evened and I was pretty sure he was asleep or nearly there. But when the end credits rolled and I turned off the screen, James snuggled closer and said, "You can _so _miss a thing you haven't had yet. This is exactly what I've been missing."

As I closed my eyes and pulled a blanket over us both, I knew exactly what he meant.

XxX

What felt like ten seconds later, church bells rang and woke me from a dream about James. I squeezed my eyes more tightly shut and stretched, groaning when my stretching brought my morning wood in contact with the plush, resilient curve of a warm ass curled against me. It took a second for my mind to process that this was very _real _but once it did, my eyes flew open, and I found James looking over his shoulder, grinning at me.

"Well, _hello_. Good morning to you, too." He pushed back against me, his eyes half closing as he bit his lip around a moan.

I groaned again and buried one side of my face in the pillow.

"James," I warned. "Don't start something."

"Why not?"

"James." I shook my head.

"No, seriously." He turned over to face me and regarded me steadily. "I wanted it last night, but I get why you didn't. I'm not drunk anymore, though. I'm not even hungover." He frowned. "Unless...I mean, if you're not sure you want to, that's...understandable."

I lifted a hand to card through the messy brunet bedhead and curled my fingers behind his ear. It was all kinds of bizarre that I got to touch him like this. I couldn't believe he wanted me to, and I swore I would never take it for granted. "James, other than sleep and oxygen, there's nothing I've ever wanted more."

"_Sleep_?" He said, outraged, but his happy smile said he didn't mean it.

I smirked. "I mean, residency isn't easy, you know? If I had to choose between sleep and sex…" I trailed off.

"That's probably because you haven't had sex with _me_ yet," he said brightly.

I laughed and let my hand coast lower, over his jaw, until my thumb was pressed against his bottom lip.

Right then, I would have given up sleep for a thousand years to have him. Oxygen too. I was supremely aware of my rock-hard cock tenting the front of my boxers with every breath. But I was scared.

"I don't want to rush things too fast," I said.

"Ken? After seven years, I don't think we have to worry about things going too fast."

I grinned, but...I wasn't as sure.

"I know we have a lot of stuff to figure out. Like, metric shit-tons of stuff to figure out. But…" James lifted a hand to toy with the collar of my shirt. "Do you know what I thought when I saw you walking toward me last night? To rescue me? I thought _'Thank God,' _Ken. Because I knew you were the only person at this whole wedding...hell, in the whole _world_...who was there for _me_." He lifted his gaze to mine. "You remember you used to tell me that if I put as much effort into figuring things out as I did thinking up ways to _avoid _figuring things out, we'd be way further along? Well...I am _finally _taking your advice. And I don't want to waste any more time."

He leaned forward to press a kiss to my lips and I lifted both hands to his head, holding him in place. _Christ_, kissing him was impossibly hot. My hips lifted up against the blankets instinctively, searching for friction and my hands roamed over his back, pushing up his shirt so I could feel his skin.

It got even hotter when James leaned back far enough to catch my eye and give me a wicked smile, then leaned in again to kiss my Adam's apple...my clavicle...my sternum, through the gray, cotton T-shirt. He pushed my shirt up past my ribs and ran appreciative hands over my torso.

"I could take this off," I whispered, reaching down to grab the hem.

James pulled back, biting his lip again, and nodded a little sheepishly.

"Sorry. I...kinda felt like maybe if I interrupted, you'd regain your sanity or something and disappear."

The thought was so close to what I'd thought before, I felt a pang.

"James?" I said, leaning back on my hands once he'd thrown my shirt on the floor and climbed over my lap.

"Yeah?"

"I'm here for as long as you want me."

James smiled, but shook his head. "Hush. Don't say things you don't mean, okay? Let's just take this as it comes."

I hesitated, not wanting to freak him out, not wanting to push the issue. But it seemed important to spell things out from now on.

"James, I've never been unsure about _my _feelings. So, we'll just take this at _your _pace."

"My pace?" He lifted one eyebrow. "You mean it?"

I nodded. "As slow as you wanna go." Even if it killed me.

If my dick hadn't already been hard enough to cut glass, James' grin would have gotten it there.

"Excellent," he said.

Then he pushed me back down and began licking a path down my body.

"James!" My voice sounded strangled to my own ears. "I thought we said _slow_."

"You said as slow as _I _wanted." He pulled back the blanket and ran his nose up and down the length of my cock. I could feel his warm breath even through the thin boxers and…

"_Jesus Fucking Christ_!"

James chuckled darkly. "Yeah, see, I don't feel like moving slow _at all_."

"_Shit_," I breathed, twining my hands in his hair.

Except he _did _slow down, the fucker, at least long enough to tease me senseless.

He sat back so his pajama-covered ass rode the length of my cock and I moaned loud and long.

"God, Ken," James groaned. "You feel so good. And the sounds you make…"

"Off," I commanded, tugging at the hem of his shirt, because fair was fair.

Except once he'd tossed his shirt off the bed like mine, all his gorgeous tanned skin was on full display and I nearly swallowed my tongue. He was perfect, every inch of him, like some benevolent god had covered him head to toe in warm honey. I trailed my fingers up from his stomach to his throat, and then rested them there, feeling the jackrabbit punch of his pulse, letting his arousal heighten my own.

He shivered and looked down at me with hooded eyes, then shifted back to sit on my knees. Bracing himself against my chest, he bent down to kiss my stomach..and then moved lower.

My breath stuttered when he pulled my boxers down and my cock sprang free, but James seemed stunned.

"Oh, Kendall," he said reverently, wrapping his hand around the length and jacking me gently with one hand while cupping my balls with the other. "You're making my mouth water."

"I know the fee-Oh, Jesus, _fuck_, James!" I cried as his lips-_those perfect fucking lips_-wrapped around me and he swallowed me down in one fell swoop.

I don't know why it was shocking that he was so good at this. I mean, James wasn't a virgin in any way, shape, or form, and I knew it. But I guess I'd always thought life worked a certain way, you know? You can't have _everything_. There's always some good with the bad. Nothing works out exactly right. So it was beyond my conception to think that I could have amazing sex _and _James, let alone amazing sex _with _James. That James Diamond could be looking at me like that _and _sucking my cock like a goddamn champion.

Apparently, it was time to rethink some of my ideas about life.

If I didn't die first.

My head twisted back into the pillow as my back bowed. I wanted to watch, but I couldn't make myself. I wanted to thread my fingers through his hair, but I couldn't get them to unclench from their grip on the sheets. It was like my brain was on hiatus. _Pardon us, all circuits are busy right now._

"James! _God_. You've gotta stop, baby. Unless you want this to be over right now, because I'm gonna…"

But he didn't stop, he didn't even slow down or hesitate. He made this needy little noise in his throat that vibrated around my dick, and God almighty, I could feel the orgasm starting in my _toes_. My legs went stiff, my hips bucked up, and I screamed his name as I came so hard I swear I could hear church bells ringing. Again.

James took his time cleaning me up, running his tongue up the length of me as I shivered and panted and stared at him like he was a dream come true, because he was. He grinned at me and I smiled back, utterly lost in him, utterly besotted…

And then the bells sounded again.

James shut his eyes and groaned, but not in a good way.

"That's Alyssa's tone," he said apologetically. He looked down at my chest, at his own dick, and then at me, torn. "This is the third time she's called."

"Answer the phone, tell her you'll take care of it in a minute, and come back," I said, tracing the outline of his erection with my fingers. "It's my turn."

He bit his lip-which, Christ on a cracker, was going to get me hard pretty much every time I saw it from now on. "Promise?"

"I'm here as long as you want me," I said, repeating my earlier words, and this time James nodded and swung off the bed.

"Alyssa," he said, the second he swiped the screen on. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night. The wine was really...What? What do you mean, supplier issues?" James listened for a second, shaking his head. "What an utter asshat. Doesn't that florist know how terrible this publicity could be for his business?" he demanded.

He sounded ready to ride out and kick ass, despite his bedhead, pajama pants, and rampant erection, and I couldn't help but grin.

James' gaze came to mine, and he narrowed his eyes like he didn't appreciate my amusement. When he reached down and palmed himself, biting his lip, I suddenly forgot what had been so funny.

I swung my legs off the bed and stalked toward him.

James took a step back and shook his head fervently, pointing at the phone. But I wasn't going to disturb his call.

Much.

Once I'd crowded him against the wall, I sank to my knees in front of him and pulled his pajama pants down.

"You can't!" James hissed. Then remembering that he was on the phone, he cleared his throat and said, "Uh...I said..._You can't _let yourself get all upset right now, sis. It's the day before your wedding!"

I grinned and planted my palms against his hipbones, tracing my thumbs along the skin behind his bobbing dick. James' head hit the wall with a _thunk_.

"Fuck, yes," he breathed when I leaned forward to lick at the junction of his leg. Then, "No, I was agreeing with you! Like, _fuck, yes, _it's terrible that this happened at the last minute. But, um...I'll take care of it. Okay? You're in good hands."

Alyssa wasn't the only one. I wrapped both hands around James, one atop the other, and stroked.

"Oh my God, oh my God!" James pounded the wall with his fist and kept his eyes on the ceiling like he didn't want to look at me. "That...I...I'm just thinking, sis. Just thinking that I know a guy. Jett. He's a, uh, florist? In O'Leary? We...I..._oh my God_. I met him when we were here last summer, and..._oh, Jesus, _um...he's...a really good florist. I think."

James still wouldn't look at me, but his hand had gone from pounding the wall to gripping my hair and urging me on. I was kinda curious as to what Alyssa was making of this.

"Sick?" James said in a really high-pitched voice. "Me? God, no. Never better. Never _fucking _better." His hips were moving almost involuntarily, fucking my mouth, and I could feel myself getting hard again. I shut my eyes and gave myself over to it.

Oh, James. Just when you thought you'd known a person so long and so well you couldn't be surprised anymore, he went and fucked your face just the way you liked and showed you he was even more perfect for you than you'd imagined.

Someone needed to put _that _in a Hallmark card.

"Kendall?" I opened my watering eyes at the sound of my name and found James' eyes on mine. For a second, I wondered if he'd disconnected the call, but then he said, "Yeah, um...okay. I think I can find him around. Somewhere. I'm sure he'll be happy to help. He's a...a helpful guy."

James' laughing eyes stared down at me, and I couldn't help it. I surged to my feet and kissed him, sliding my tongue along his. The taste of him mingled with my own flavor on his lips and...yeah, I was gonna need to help _myself _in a minute. _Again_.

I grinned as I wrapped my hand around James' erection and my own semi-hard cock together. James' eyes widened.

"I swear to God-" He started, then bit his lip. "I mean...I swear to God, I'm gonna take care of this for you, sis. Cross my heart. I will make sure you have flowers, you hear me. _Yeah! Jesus. _Fucking gorgeous ones. If we can't get the flowers you wanted, I'll get something better. _Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick_. Just...trust me. I'll, um...call you back when I know something, okay? Get a manicure, m'kay? Bye."

He disconnected the call before Alyssa could say a word.

"Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick?"

"You are...ridiculous," he grit out, leaning his head against the wall so our gazes locked. "_Oh, mother fucker! _Weren't you the one who called _me _a drama queen yesterday?" He demanded. "This couldn't have waited, like, five minutes, Dr. Knight?"

"I thought we were done wasting time," I said innocently.

"Don't do that. Don't use my words against me," he said, lips twitching. "I need to make a phone call."

"Go ahead." I breathed the words against the skin of his neck and he thrust his hips with a shuddering breath, making his dick shuttle through my fist.

He cleared his throat and looked at the ceiling. I waited for him to move away or push me off him, but after a single deep breath, he pulled up a contact and dialed.

From this distance, I could hear when the guy on the other end answered.

"James! What's up, man? You back in town?" He lowered his voice. "Because I would _really _like to cash in that raincheck for that drink you offered me." The words were dark with promise and jealousy pitted my stomach even though it was way, way, _way _too soon for that in this….relationship-type-thing.

"Actually, Jett," James said, holding my gaze, "I'm afraid that particular offer's off the table. I'm sorry. But also, you know..._not_."

Jett snorted softly. "You work things out with that guy? The one who was in love with someone else?"

"No. Better," James said. "I found somebody who...cares about _me _instead."

I swallowed. That...was kind of an understatement.

"I'm glad, Jay," Jett said softly. "Glad one of us is happy. Anyway! What can I do for you?"

"Well, I _am _in town. For that wedding I was helping organize? But there's been a huge fuck-up with her florist. Like, _huge_. And I'm gonna need some flowers."

"The florist?" Jett's voice was serious now, worried. "What kind of problem?"

"Can we meet somewhere in town and I can give you the specifics?"

"Yeah. There's a bakery on Weaver Street that we can meet at."

"Okay. I'm staying at the Bed and Breakfast on Weaver."

"Then it's basically across the street from you. I'll text you the name of the place. Lemme finish up a couple of things and I can be there in forty?"

"Um…" James looked at me and I stared back. "Make it an hour?"

Jett huffed out a laugh. "You've got it. See you then."

James hung up the phone and tossed it on the dresser.

"Sounds like a nice guy," I teased, running my thumb over the top of his erection, which hadn't flagged one iota, despite the phone call.

Then again, neither had mine.

"Ken?" James grabbed my hair and held my stare. "I love talking to you, you know I do. But I feel like I've been hard for about ten hours, so there is only _one _guy I want to talk about right now, and he's the one with his hand on my dick."

I laughed and leaned in to bite the top of his shoulder. "Is that so? And what do you want me to do for you?" I wrapped my hand around him again.

He hissed out a pleasured gasp and tugged on my hair. "Not that."

I frowned. "No? Because evidence suggests-"

"Evidence suggests that I want your cock in my ass in about ten seconds, Kendall Donald Knight. Hard and fast."

I shook my head, even as my dick twitched at the idea. "No fucking way. Not in a rush. Not our first time."

He pulled my head back and smiled into my eyes. "Our first of _many _times. And we don't need to hold out for some _perfect _situation. It will be perfect, because it'll be us."

I swallowed hard. Fist of many…

Well.

Okay, then.

James leaned in to bite my lower lip, like maybe he thought I still needed convincing.

"Where's your lube, Jay?"

He grinned. "Bathroom."

"Race you. Loser buys pancakes."

But in the end, we both won. I mean, how could it be otherwise when James was braced against the bathroom vanity, with me behind him watching every flare of arousal and cry of pleasure that crossed his face as my hands traced up his chest? When I teased him open carefully with the lube he'd produced from the bag on the counter, as he shuddered and writhed in my arms?

In all the thousands of ways I'd fantasized about this over the years, none of them had been like this. Which just went to show that life was really fucking unpredictable, in really amazing ways.

"Now, now, _now_," James said, his palm stroking up and down his cock, and I knew that his hurry had nothing to do with the fucking flowers and the florist who'd save the day, but with the fact that we'd been waiting seven years to feel something this _right_.

Or maybe even longer. Maybe forever.

I bent my knees, then widened my stance like a contortionist, but...it wasn't comfortable. At all. And I had no idea how James was bent like that and not uncomfortable.

"If you want this to happen, babe, you need to get on the bed, because I'm about twelve inches too big to do it like this," I joked.

"Twelve? Jesus Christ." James' eyes widened in the mirror. "I admit that the Shelby is not a Compensation-Mobile, but there's no way it's that big."

"It was a joke, dumbass," I snorted. "And I was talking about height, not...that."

James turned around and stared at me.

"Oh my God. _No_. We are not joking and laughing during sex. _No_, Knight."

Except we were. We _totally _were. Giggling like lunatics as I laid on the bed and pulled him on top of me, tears rolling down our cheeks as he poised above me, joy on our faces as he sank all the way down, and we both groaned together in satisfaction.

It was fucking _everything_.

James' eyes locked on mine as our bodies moved together faster and faster, and as we finally came together, I knew this beauty, this magic, had been worth the wait.

* * *

**Done! So, Kames are _finally_ together! I say that even though it's only been a few chapters. :P**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

**Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next and final chapter will basically be an epilogue and will be up tomorrow night, so not too long of a wait for that.**

**Until then! :D**

**-Epically Obsessed **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Welcome to the final chapter of always!**

**Before we get to that, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter and just this story in general. I would also like to thank BigTimeRush-BTR, winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, annabellex2, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

**I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Once upon a time, during the summer I'd volunteered in Costa Rica, I'd watched as this older guy got a pair of glasses for the very first time. He'd come to the clinic at his daughter's insistence, grumbling all the while that his vision was _perfect_. But the second the doctor had put the lenses on his face, the man's jaw had dropped. "_Hijo de puta_!" he'd said. "Is this what things are supposed to look like?"

I'd laughed at the time, but as I stood by Kendall's side, in the tent where I'd been so miserable the other night, watching Ethan and Alyssa twirl around the dance floor for the first time as husband and wife, I was thinking that maybe a lot of us go through life blind because we see what we expect to see, when all it takes is one tiny change-a piece of curved glass, a handwritten note, a single conversation in a frozen field-to let us see things the way they really are.

"You're smiling," Kendall said, leaning in to speak low in my ear.

If I hadn't been smiling already, that would have done it. The man was hot as hell in his Best Man tuxedo, with his gorgeous eyes and perfectly styled hair-so hot that I'd very studiously avoided looking at him so I didn't maul him in front of the guests. I figured I'd given them enough free entertainment the other night.

"Am I? I must be learning to love weddings," I said smugly.

"Ah. That must be it." Laughter danced behind his words.

"Or I might just be relieved that we were able to get the flower thing sorted out, thanks to Jett."

"Right. That would make sense."

"Or maybe I'm just happy for my sister and Ethan."

"Of course. Aren't we all?"

"Or maybe I'm reflecting on the breakfast I _finally _got this morning." I patted my stomach. "That diner produces some fine pancakes."

Even better, they packaged those pancakes in handy takeout containers, so that pancake lovers could eat them in bed.

Kendall leaned closer, like he was trying to speak over the swelling music, but when his nose brushed my ear, he inhaled deeply instead, making me shiver.

"Mmmm. They definitely do. And the pancake toppings are so...versatile."

I felt my cheeks go hot.

"I don't think they're _intended _to be versatile, Ken," I murmured. "Most people just eat the butter and syrup on the pancakes."

"Pretty shortsighted of most people, don't you think?"

Reflecting on the outcome of Kendall's creativity, I kinda had to agree. Still…

"The stuff doesn't come off," I informed him. "_I'm _gonna still be smelling like breakfast on Tuesday, while _you're _flying back to California." And yeah, _there _was something I really didn't want to think about. "I scrubbed in the shower, but I think the syrup's trapped in my pores."

Kendall laughed and I turned to give him shit for once again finding humor in the weirdest things, but I saw his mother making her way over to us, so I took a giant step away from him instead and gave him a wary look.

Among the many, many, many issues Kendall and I faced as a potential couple, including three thousand miles between our apartments and the years we'd spent _not _talking about the note, was _this_: I'd dated Kendall's brother, and I couldn't imagine his family would take too kindly to me dating Kendall, too. And I knew Kendall wanted to be cautious, to take things slowly. There would be no public displays of affection from me today.

"Oh, boys, you two are heroes!" Mrs. Knight, decked out in a blush-colored, beaded dress gave each of us a hug. "I would never in a million years have guessed that these weren't the flowers Alyssa picked. They're perfect!"

"We didn't do much," I said honestly. "My friend Jett got it sorted."

"James is too modest," Kendall said. He stepped closer and put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against his side in a hug that could have been brotherly or platonic..._if _he hadn't _kept _holding me there. And _if _he hadn't leaned over to press a kiss to my cheek. "He's got amazing taste."

Mrs. Knight's mouth went slack, she stood up straight, and I took a deep breath expecting...I don't know, skepticism or displeasure or _something_...but instead, she smiled. Broadly. Contently.

"He really, really does," she said. "But then, so do you, sweetie." And then she winked at me. "Awfully cold in New York this time of year, isn't it, James?"

I blinked, stunned. "I...Yes?"

"And you look like the kind of guy who could get used to a _life without snow_. Don't you think?"

"Jesus," Kendall muttered, pulling me closer to his side.

"I...I mean, I don't _love _the snow, no." I had the distinct impression I was missing something.

"I'm just saying, it's too bad you don't have somewhere warmer you could be. If _I _were a writer who could do my job _anywhere_, you couldn't pay me enough to hang out this far north in the winter."

"I...Well, I-"

"Mom, shouldn't you be watching your other son? You know, the one who got married today?" Kendall cut in.

Mrs. Knight grinned. "Why, Kendall, it's just that we had this _unspoken agreement_. You remember?"

Kendall closed his eyes and shook his head. "Oh, God."

"An unspoken agreement?" I asked, looking between them in confusion.

She turned her smile on me. "Mmhmm. That if Kendall finally came clean to you about his feelings, the way he should have _years _ago, I'd welcome you into the family with open arms. And James, I am _thrilled _to hold up my end of the bargain." She stepped forward and kissed my cheek just as the music on the dance floor ended. "Mmm. Your cologne smells like maple, sweetie. I like it."

"Um...what was that?" I whispered after she'd walked away. My heart was beating frantically because it sounded like...it sounded like…

"That was my mother being subtle," Kendall said, which explained exactly nothing.

Before I could question him, Dean the wedding planner stepped up on the little stage the Inn had moved to one corner of the tent that afternoon for the band to play on. He took the microphone from the lead singer and beamed down at the wedding guests.

"Alright! A round of applause for Mr. Knight and Ms. Stevens on their first dance together as husband and wife!"

The crowd cheered appreciatively and we all clapped.

"Now it's time for a couple of toasts! First, I know we all can't wait to hear from the Man of Honor!"

I sucked in a nervous breath. Before the fiasco the other night, I _did _have a speech that I had been working on for weeks, but I'd scrapped the whole thing yesterday and rewritten it from scratch, because none of the shit I'd written before seemed to apply anymore.

"You've got this," Kendall said, low and confident. But then, the man would have said that to me even if I were trying to climb El Capitan without a rope. He'd always been my number one supporter.

And _that _realization gave me the confidence to step to the front of the room and grab a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. I climbed the stairs sedately and stepped up to the microphone.

"I know you all were promised a love poem today," I began with a rueful smile. "But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disappoint you. My sick rhymes need a little more work, so look for them at Alyssa and Ethan's silver wedding anniversary, okay?" The crowd laughed, and Alyssa and Ethan, who were standing in the center of the dance floor with their arms around each other, grinned. Kendall rolled his eyes.

"But that's okay," I continued seriously. "Because these two don't _need _poetry. All too often, we get caught up in the trappings of love. The hearts and flowers, the over the top declarations, the sweeping romantic gestures. The _love notes_," I looked at Kendall and bit my lip, loving the way his eyes flashed.

"And don't get me wrong, those things are great," I continued. "They're awesome. Except sometimes we get so caught up in those symbols that we miss the other stuff that's even more important. The essential stuff. The _life _stuff. Like, who's there for you _every single day_? Who takes care of you when you're sick and drives you home when you've been drinking? Who sends you cat memes that make you smile, and laughs at totally un-funny things in a way that reminds you not to take life too seriously? Who makes your stomach flip because they look at you like you're the coolest thing they've ever seen? Who challenges your opinions, and shakes their head at your ridiculousness, and saves you from...impromptu poetry recitations?" Alyssa laughed out loud and I smiled. Then I looked at Kendall and our gazes locked. "Who believes in you so strongly, you can't help but believe in yourself?"

Kendall stared at me so intently, I could feel myself flushing. I cleared my throat and focused on Alyssa and Ethan. I could tell from the look in Ethan's eyes that he knew I wasn't really talking about him and Alyssa at the moment. Not really. His gaze flashed over to Kendall before looking back at me, a bright smile gracing his face before he nodded.

I smiled back at him before continuing.

"Some of you might know there was a big issue with the wedding decorations yesterday. We almost didn't have the right flowers...or any flowers at all. And at first, I freaked out a little, because this wedding was _important_, you know? And I wanted it to be _perfect _for my sister and my friend. A _perfect _symbol of love, for all their friends and family to see. A _perfect _memory for them. A _perfect _start to a _perfect _life."

"But as we were sorting things out, Kendall and me," I said, pointing to him across the dance floor, "I realized that ten years from now, Alyssa and Ethan weren't going to look back on this day and care about the _flowers_, just like they're not going to remember the finer details of the cake or the food or even this toast. The wedding is important, sure, but only because it's a symbol of the _marriage _they're gonna have. A marriage that's going to be chaotic and _imperfect_, and wonderful and beautiful and _real_, because they are two of the best people I've ever known and the love they share _is _perfect. They're going to look back and think about how far they've come, and how lucky they were to open their eyes, after all those years of being next-door-neighbors, and see what they could really be to each other. And then they'll go right back to dealing with all the craziness that life hands them, because they're stronger together. And isn't that really what all of us want?"

I chanced a look at Kendall and found him staring at me like...like the entire reason for _his _existence had been distilled into one person...And that person was _me_.

_Oh my God._

I took a shuddering breath and forced myself to continue.

"So, let's everyone raise a toast to Alyssa and Ethan. On this first day of your marriage, on _Valentine's Day_, the most romantic day of the year, thank you for reminding us all that love isn't just about bright red hearts and poetry-especially if it's _my _poetry." I winked. "It's about knowing you can do life better with your best friend by your side, and that some things, like love, are worth the wait. To Alyssa and Ethan!"

Everyone cheered and raised their glasses and drank obediently, but I couldn't get down off the stage fast enough. I felt like I was going to combust.

Kendall met me as I was skirting around the dance floor. He grabbed the hand that wasn't wrapped around a champagne glass and looked deep into my eyes. "That was-"

"A heck of a speech!" Grandma Stevens came toddling over, leaning heavily on a cane that didn't seem to slow her down any. She grabbed my hand, and her green eyes danced. "What did I tell you, James? Lock, key, _click_, eh? And here you are, my boy! _Happy_-happy. Looks good on you."

I rubbed a hand over my forehead. Clearly Kendall and I were fooling ourselves if we thought we were playing things cool.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Thank you, Grandma."

She winked and looked like she was about to say something else, but a waiter passed nearby with a tray of hors d'oeuvres. "Oooh! Hot _damn_. Alyssa _said _they were having more scallops tonight, and I think I found 'em." She squeezed my hand and departed, calling for the waiter to, "Stop right where you are, young man!"

_Find someone who looks at you the way Grandma Stevens looks at scallops._

"Was that-" Kendall began.

"Grandma Stevens being subtle?" I finished, rolling my eyes. "Oh, yes."

"You know, I'm starting to think subtlety is overrated," Kendall said. He stepped into me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

My eyes widened. "Y-yeah?"

"Just like romance and _symbolism_." He grinned.

"Shut up." I pushed at his chest, just a little. "That whole 'laughing at inappropriate things' bit was totally about you, you know."

"Yeah? Was that the _only_ part about me?"

I opened my mouth, then shut it again. "There may have been one or two other points that pertained to you." I fingered the buttons of his tuxedo shirt.

Kendall snorted softly. "See, I'd been working on one of those...what did you call them? Over-the-top declarations? A love note, really."

"You were? Another one?"

"Mmhmm. Except this time, I wasn't going to leave it in your backpack and hope you got it." From his pocket, he pulled a piece of paper with the Crabapple Bed and Breakfast logo at the top. "I was going to hand it to you and watch you read it. Possibly while chained to a bed. Or to me. Or both."

"Gimme!" I snatched the paper from his hand.

_James:_

_I missed being with you before we were even together, and I don't want to miss you anymore. I want you to come to California with me, not just because you make me happy, but because I think I could make you happy, too._

_I see you, James-your loyalty and your humor and your strength-and I love you even more now than I did when you were eighteen._

_Always have._

_Always will._

_Dr. Kendall Donald Knight_

I sniffled a little. "You signed it with your full name this time, huh?"

Kendall snorted. "Thought about adding my social security number and my fingerprint too, just in case there was any question of mistaken identity. I mean, I _was _named after my great uncle Kendall, and the guy _is _around here somewhere." Kendall made a point of glancing around the room. "He's pushing ninety, he's got a little dementia, and he uses a walker most of the time, but it'd be my luck the note would fall out of my pocket, and _he'd _be the one to hand it to you. Next thing you know, we'd all be gathering for your wedding at the Monthaven Retirement Village, and I'd have to call you Great Uncle James, which would be totally uncomfortable for both of us, and-_mmph_!"

I tossed the note to the floor, grabbed him by the lapel, yanked him close, and kissed him just to shut him up.

Okay, not _just _to shut him up.

But when he pulled back a second later, I gave him a mock glare. "Too soon for jokes."

"Yeah?" Kendall pursed his lips like he was considering this. "Does that mean there _will _be a time for jokes later?"

"Oh, probably." I sipped my champagne and waved a hand airily from the shelter of his arms. "When we're Great Uncle Kendall's age, you can try cracking a joke again, and we'll see how it goes."

"If I remember."

"I'll remind you," I promised.

"You wanna pick up that note?" Kendall tilted his head toward the floor. "Hold onto it for posterity?"

I shook my head. "I don't need the note, Ken. I'm holding on to the only thing that matters."

And I was gonna hold it tight.

Always.

* * *

**Done! So there you have it. You know I couldn't end it without Kames together and happy. :P**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and story in general, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

**Again, I hope you all enjoyed! I had so much fun writing this...mini-story, I guess you could call it? It's not often that I do these, so it's always fun when I do. And again, thank you to RainbowDiamonds for informing me about the challenge. And since it's only a few hours away here...Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you all have a great day and spend it with loved ones. :)**

**-Epically Obsessed**


End file.
